# 8, May 23, 2025, Invisible Brain Injuries

What would you do if in a small boat, on rough ocean waves,

if you could not get off?

I have a vested interest in this topic in that I sustained a concussion which turned into (PCS) Post-concussion Syndrome, post-traumatic eye syndrome, a midline shift, and whiplash. These injuries evolved into vestibular, recall, attention, fatigue, and vision issues. When I first fell, as indicated in my book trailer, for weeks I felt like I was on a boat in rough waters and I could not get off! It was impossible to function as multi-senses flooded.

If I were to describe the dizziness, which was different from anything I felt prior to my fall, I felt like I was being sucked down a hole at tremendous speed, which would lead to vomiting. If I put my head up, it happened again. I have since learned that I have left ear vertigo. It seems my left side is the most contrary. Before I fell, I did have trouble with balance, but the hit on my head definitely made it worse. That, and tinnitus, which is a constant ringing/roar that never leaves. It honestly drives me crazy, especially worse after pushing myself.

Over time I have learned to recognize triggers, what my threshold is, and not to go under 30% energy level. That is when frustration of not being able to do what I could before erupts into anger at myself. The critical voice steps in and tears a strip off me for being so useless. I am my own worst enemy. I now recognize and am aware of when criticism will strike, and for the most part have a handle on it.

I had pressure on my forehead whenever I did too much, which was a smidgen of what I could do before, or if I had to concentrate on something that was difficult, which was pretty much everything. What was worse, I did not understand why light and sounds bombarded my head, why it was so difficult to do everyday activities.

I was a mess, emotionally and physically. As the weeks continued without a clue of how or where to get help, I fell down a dark hole, sheltering and protecting myself against too much coming at me. I crashed, needing to get away from being overwhelmed with everything.

That is when I gave the pressure on my forehead a name. It became the claw, a vice-grip on my forehead which screamed—take a break, and rest. But it came so quickly, pressed so tightly, I was shut down a long time, too long a time.

The bright sunlight did not like me nor music or sounds which killed my husband as he loved to have music playing 24-7. The household environment changed to accommodate the changes in me. I felt bad, but we purchased earphones for him and he was happy.

We hung sheer curtains on the hardtop, lean-to gazebo on our back deck so the sun was not so strong in summer. That allowed me the first two years to sit in my favourite spot underneath in the corner dreaming of someday being able to go to the beach again. The glare and movement of the water were impossible to look at.

I'll add a picture later when I get home as I am at my daughter's in Edmonton spending time with her, her husband, and my grandsons. They certainly allow me to celebrate life, the moments we can be together, and all I have to be grateful for.

When dealing with an invisible injury it is crucial we focus on what we can do, and let go of what we cannot. That was tough for me as I was always able to do whatever I wanted, and I felt so inadequate when limited. It triggered BIG TIME emotions related to not being good enough as a child and my emotions went haywire and I felt the excruciating, cutting pain I felt back then. My occupational therapist explained that when injured the brain cannot sift past from present, making the childhood pain I felt real in that moment.

So much to say about this invisible injury, but do not get discouraged. Recovery is a steady process and win. Every head injury is individual and different. I was 58 when I fell; that and my health complicated my recovery, as did not knowing where to go when I needed help the most.

Besides being hospitalized for ten days and then sent home, and referred to physiotherapy, I was left on my own. It took four months before I found a concussion clinic and doctor. It is imperative we get treatment within a certain period of time, referred to often as the window of vulnerability. Most recover within days and weeks, but there are those of us 15 - 25% who are left with PCS.

That is why I am willing to share what I learned, and provide lots of resources in my memoir plus. I have some published here as well, and will add more as I discover them. Over the years I became aware of wonderful organizations and groups that support the brain injured. Check my site, where more are cited.

Tell all those you love that you love them. Take care.